10 important ways moms can support their mental health

In the midst of celebrating the joys of pregnancy and birth, new moms can be easily overwhelmed by the hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding difficulties, and many more struggles of new motherhood.

About 85% of women experience some type of mood disturbance during the postpartum period, and one in five mothers will develop a longer-lasting maternal mental health disorder within the first year, such as anxiety or depression. But of those, only 15% will seek treatment. I was one in five, and luckily, I found support when I needed it.

Some of these issues are short-lived, only lasting a few days or weeks, while others can last up to 18 months after birth. Many women experience mild symptoms, but in more severe cases these problems can be debilitating and even life-threatening. One of the best ways to prepare women for these potential issues is through education and building mental health support in their preparations for motherhood.

Kirsten Brunner, MA, LPC, author of Babyproofed Parents and perinatal therapist in Austin, helps support mothers with this struggle that is all too common but not addressed enough.

“Most expectant women that I encounter do an incredible job of preparing their bodies for birth and their homes for a baby but they often neglect to prepare their emotional and mental health, ” says Brunner.

I experienced mild but persistent long-lasting postpartum anxiety and depression after my first birth and some brief and intense anxiety in the early weeks after my second. I want to empower others that you don’t have to feel helpless–you can take charge and get the support you need. No one should feel alone or ashamed of something that is so common during the transition into new motherhood.

“Becoming a new mother is an enormous transition, and I encourage mothers to heap on as much support as possible,” says Brunner. “This support can come from family members, friends, doulas, therapists, psychiatrists and/or support groups.”

So whether you are expecting, a new mother, or know someone who is, these tips can provide you with information and ideas for how to protect your mental health.

1. Make your wellness a priority

It can be a shocking transition when sleep, cleanliness, exercise, and self-care take a back seat to a baby requiring around-the-clock attention. But there are ways of protecting your mental health before these shifts become too overwhelming.

Getting assistance so you can sleep is one of the most important things you can do to protect your mental health. So that means that your partner, a visiting grandparent or family member, and/or a postpartum doula needs to take over household responsibilities such as cooking and cleaning so that you can sleep when the baby sleeps.

“Sleep is a key component of mental and emotional wellness, ” says Brunner. She says that all new mothers will deal with some sleep interruptions and even sleep deprivation, but it’s making sure you have discussions and support so you can get breaks when you need them.

“I encourage expectant parents to make a plan for how they are going to support each other’s sleep–how they will give each other time to catch up on rest if sleepless nights are becoming more frequent.”

2. Learn about perinatal anxiety and depression

During pregnancy, your doctor or midwife will likely give you handouts with basic information and warning signs of severe baby blues or postpartum depression. These red flags are so important to remember and share with your family and friends so they can be alert, too. However, most women experience symptoms that are more mild and don’t know what those look like.

Mental health professionals previously used the term PPD – Postpartum Depression to describe all of the emotional health challenges that women experience after birth. Now we refer to these conditions as PMADs – Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders. The term was expanded because depression is not the only mental health diagnosis that a new mother can struggle with.

“Anxiety, OCD, rage and insomnia are common struggles for new mothers. Although very unusual, 1 in 1000 new moms will experience postpartum psychosis,” says Brunner. “If a new mom is experiencing any of these symptoms, she could absolutely consult with a medical or mental health professional.”

Here are some additional resources to learn about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders:

3. Discuss your mental health history with your doctor or midwife

Especially if you have a history of conditions such as anxiety, OCD, depression, mood disorders, addiction, PTSD, trauma, or ADHD, you are at higher risk for perinatal mood disorders.

“If a woman has a history of depression, anxiety or other mental illness, it is a good idea to talk with their doctor or midwife about options for support during the postpartum period,” says Brunner.

I have ADHD and anxiety, and though my doctor warned me I could be at increased risk, I didn’t pursue preventative anxiety prescriptions out of an abundance of caution. I wanted to treat my issues holistically, but at the time didn’t have enough resources to effectively do that. By the time I had my second child, I was equipped with supplements and additional support that made a choice of avoiding prescriptions less risky.

“Many new mothers are surprised to find out that there are a select group of psychotropic medications that are safe to take while pregnant and/or breastfeeding,” says Brunner. “While we would prefer that new moms avoid taking medication, their emotional and mental health is of utmost importance and should be the number one priority. In order for mom to care of her new baby, it is so important for her to feel emotionally and mentally stable. If an expectant or new mom feels like she might benefit from medication, she should definitely talk to her health provider or her therapist.”

4. Have an initial session with a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health

Though some women may be at increased risk for perinatal mood disorders, it’s an excellent idea for every expecting mother to find a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health. You want someone who will encourage and support you in the way that new mothers need.

“If an expectant mom has experienced trauma in the past, including physical or sexual abuse, it is a good idea to meet with a therapist prior to the birth to make a plan for supporting her emotional health and sense of safety during and after the birth,” says Brunner. This is almost important for those who have relationship issues with their own mothers to help them process any unresolved issues before becoming a mother themselves.

Postpartum Support International (PSI) is an excellent resource that has a directory of perinatal mental health professionals in every state and city in the US and many abroad, too.

Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas (PPHATX) is an excellent resource in Central Texas.

If finances or transportation is an issue, there are often therapy vouchers, low cost sessions, or teletherapy options available. Reach out to a provider and ask them about options.

“Expectant and new moms should never feel ashamed or embarrassed to reach out to a mental health professional for additional support before or after the birth,” says Brunner. “If a new mom ends up not needing the additional support after baby arrives, they will still be glad that they lined up the extra resources.”

5. Discuss maternal mental health with your partner

Your partner is your biggest advocate and support, and they need to be made aware of the possibility that you may have some mental health struggles. Meeting together with your doctor or midwife, therapist, doula, and other birth support professionals is a critical step to giving your partner the resources they need to support you.

Did you know that even partners can experience postpartum depression? Their own sleep deprivation and stress can take a toll, too. The more you communicate about how to support one another ahead of time, the better your communication and attention to these issues can be if problems arise.

6. Build in help for the postpartum period

Whether having family come to stay with you, hiring a postpartum doula, having your partner take a couple months off of work, or ideally all of the above, find ways to make sure that while you take care of baby, there is a someone else to take care of you and the household.

One of the things I am most grateful for in my prenatal care is how much our midwives and nurses emphasized the importance of how much rest, recuperation, and healing I would require to recover from birth and take care of baby. My husband and I must have heard them say dozens of time that I should not, under any circumstances, to be getting out of bed the first few days to do anything except shower and use the restroom. And then they stressed that even for the first few weeks that my time on my feet should be very limited.

Postpartum Support International has a great doula resource sharing more about what a postpartum doula can do to help and organizations to connect with to find someone who would be a good fit for you. Your mental health, breastfeeding success, and proper postpartum healing depends on getting this support, so make it a priority!

7. Prepare breastfeeding support and resources

Breastfeeding is an incredible tool to nourish baby, assist with mom’s healing, and encourage thriving and bonding. But it is something that many women struggle with acutely, and often without proper support. The pain and discouragement of struggling with something that seems like it should come easily and naturally can be a huge factor in postpartum depression.

My first baby had a severe tongue and lip tie that we had lasered twice, but he continued to have latch problems. I was struggling with plugged milk ducts and preventing mastitis daily for the first few months. It took 6 weeks for me to finally hire a lactation consultant, and by that point I was pretty exhausted and traumatized from the amount of stress and work I was putting into it. But her help started turning things around and we nursed for 27 months.

In recent years more hospitals are increasing the time that new mothers get with lactation specialists, which is wonderful. I would encourage expecting moms to take a breastfeeding class, research and reach out to a lactation consultant in your area who could provide additional help if needed, find where your local La Leche League meetings take place, and look for local Facebook groups and organizations that support breastfeeding.

8 Look for gentle support for your birth.

The people you enlist to support you in your pre- and postnatal care can make all the difference in your mental health outcomes. From your team of doctors or midwives to the nurses and support staff, the environment and handling of your health and emotional needs during this often tumultuous time can be everything.

By far one of the best things I did to support my mental health was choosing to give birth at a birthing center. And the reason for that might surprise you. Sure, it was an excellent environment for the natural birth I wanted, but real mental health value for me was a team of midwives who were literally a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold throughout the entire prenatal and postpartum journey.

I also strongly recommend hiring a birth doula to help with labor pains, motivation, and support during birth. They can help during labor with counter-pressure, massage, positioning techniques, getting you back into active labor, all kinds of things your partner is likely clueless about.

And so you can focus on your own work of birthing a baby when the time comes, write out your birth plan and contingency preferences ahead of time should things not go as planned. Look into hypnobirthing, visualization exercises, and relaxation techniques to keep you calm, relaxed, and motivated.

9. Join and build local community with other moms

When you become a parent, everything is new and lots of things are confusing, scary, or hard. It’s so important to seek out communities of women going through the same things as you! My Facebook community connected to my birthing center has been a godsend of sharing funny stories, asking questions of “what do you do when baby…” and needing to vent when things feel overwhelming. That catharsis can do you a world of good on a tough day, just hearing that someone else has gone through it and you will, too.

We did our prenatal care in a unique group program called Centering that’s offered by many birthing centers. We’ve made lifelong friends from that community, and for the past 4.5 years, I’ve been in a What’s App group chat with them where we’ve supported each other and connected about pretty much everything. I don’t know what I would do without them!

I would encourage you to search Facebook for virtual and in-person local communities that you can connect with. This can be a first step in building up a tribe of moms who you can connect with and even do playdates with for years to come.

10. Follow maternal mental health organizations on social media

In addition to the online resources I shared in #2 to learn more about maternal mental health, I have greatly benefited from some great organizations on social media to empower, inform, and encourage other mothers. When scrolling at 3am while crying because I both resent and love my baby while nursing him, these accounts and more have made me feel seen, supported, and normal in my struggles.

A few accounts to follow:

@Momcongress @Bluedotproject @psychedmommy @selenidotorg @postpartumsupportinternational @lifeisaspectrum @postpartumcongress @Ihadamiscarriage @takebackpostpartum @ebbirth

Some hashtags that I love:

#maternalmentalhealth #postpartumbody #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #takebackpostpartum

Every woman has their own journey, struggles, and wins in the journey to becoming a mother–but no one needs to do it alone and without supporting their mental health. I hope these resources help you or someone you love find the support to help them manage anything that comes their way during the beautiful and complicated transition into motherhood.